


this isn't love

by Magnus (Magnus_Rushesin)



Series: if infinity war was a better movie [2]
Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers Infinity War Spoilers, F/M, Uh. yeah, also i despise the canon of infinity war so instead heres a bit of a character study on gamora, also she kinda almost dies but not quite so just be wary if thats gonna squick you out at all, oh and i just. made up bullshit magic that makes no sense so dont worry about it, uh this is just. coping., uh. anyways i love gamora shes my wife
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-08 22:06:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14703363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Magnus_Rushesin/pseuds/Magnus
Summary: "in order to obtain the stone, you must lose that which you love."--Gamora falls, and she thinks of her friends. And then, she rises.





	this isn't love

**Author's Note:**

> hnng i love gamora.  
> also this is technically part of a series but theres no chronological order to these things so no sweat.

_ “In order to obtain the soul stone, you must give up that which you love.” _

As the sentence hovered in the air, Gamora smiled. And her smile quickly turned into a laugh. It was just so  _ funny.  _ For a moment her laugh was the only sound besides the wind whipping around them.

And then she saw his face. And she stopped laughing, and the relief she had felt before quickly turned to horror as she met his eyes. 

“No,” she shook her head, backing away from Thanos as he moved towards her. “No, no, this isn’t love.” She struggled against him as he grabbed her wrist.  _ No, no this isn’t love. This can’t be love. _

_ \---- _

Gamora might’ve thought once, that Thanos loved her. It was what he told her, ever since she was a child. He said that he loved her and he called her his daughter. And maybe she believed him. But some part of her always knew that it was never love. The part of her that remembered her mother, a soft and gentle woman who would braid Gamora’s hair or kiss her forehead so delicately. Her mother, who treated her like the most beautiful and valuable thing in the universe, who worked day and night to provide for her. Her mother had loved her. 

Thanos said he loved her when he taught her to fight, to be strong, to bury her feelings deep and to slaughter indiscriminately. He said he loved her, that he was teaching her to protect herself, that he was helping her. Gamora’s mother never taught her those things. Gamora’s mother taught her to be kind to smaller creatures, to speak politely to the men in the market, to speak honestly and from her heart, and to help those who needed it. Gamora’s mother taught her to be good, Thanos only taught her to be a weapon.

\----

Thanos’ grip around her arm tightened as he pulled her forward, towards the cliffs edge as she struggled and screamed against him. Thanos hesitated for a moment, his face solemn with grief as he looked at her.

“I’m sorry, little one” he said.  _ You will be,  _ Gamora thinks. 

And then he flung her off the edge, and Gamora screamed, her throat raw and tears welling up in her eyes. All she could hear was the wind whipping in her ears. As she fell, she closed her eyes, thinks of her friends, and begs any god that’s listening that her death will at least be swift.

\----

Gamora always knew Thanos didn’t really love her, but she never really knew what love felt like. She knew her mother, but as she grew older the memories grew more and more distant and harder to reach. She had forgotten what it was like.

She thought she got a glimpse, a spark of something  _ like  _ love with Nebula. Thanos was never her father but Nebula was  _ always  _ her sister. And even though they were both cold and distant and sometimes even cruel, Gamora cared about her. She wanted her to be safe, whatever happy ending Gamora was trying to reach, the one where she betrays Thanos and runs away to the furthest corner of the cosmos, she wanted to have Nebula by her side at the end of it all.

So she had her faint memories of her mother, and her distant sister who was constantly being pitt against her by Thanos. That wasn’t exactly a family. That wasn’t exactly love. She’d had something  _ adjacent to  _ love.

And then she met Peter. She met Peter  _ fucking  _ Quill and everything changed. Not at first, no. At first she hated him, and then he was simply a means to an end, and then. And then something happened. She got a glimpse of him, on Knowhere. He played a song for her on his device and for a moment they stood there together, and it was nice. And then she panicked, and she lashed out, and for a moment she worried that she’d ruined whatever was there.

Luckily, Quill was just as much a stubborn asshole as the rest of them. 

_ Gamora awoke to the sound of music, quiet in the next room as Quill sang along, messily and out of tune. The smell of toast, slightly burnt, was floating in the air and Gamora let out a small smile as she sat up, stretching and pulling on shorts and one of Quill’s stained t-shirts off of the floor. _

_ She walked into the kitchen, running a hand through her messy hair as she was greeted by a quick kiss on the cheek. A plate of burnt toast and other poorly-made breakfast foods sat on the counter for her. _

_ “Sorry if it’s crappy, I’m not exactly a five-star chef,” Quill said, flashing her a stupid grin. She didn’t reply, choosing instead to shovel a forkful of what looked like scrambled eggs into her mouth. They weren’t very good, but then again, she’d had worse. She gave him a thumbs up. His smile grew a little bit wider and he threw himself back into the song, dancing and scream-singing to the cheesy love song they were listening to. Gamora watched him and her heart swelled up with love and simple contentment. She smiled to herself. Yeah, this is what love feels like. _

_ \---- _

Gamora’s been on the brink of death a few times before, but she’d never had her life flash before her eyes like this. Before, she had never had much of a life to remember. But now her mind raced with images of her friends, of everyone laughing at some stupid joke, or all the teasing or the rarer times where they simply sat and talked and let each other feel and be genuine. She thinks of late nights with Quill and early mornings and of all the horribly stupid plans they’d made and all of the horribly stupid ways they’d gone wrong.

And she thinks of Quills face as he puts his gun to her head, the tears rolling down his face as she felt her own eyes stinging, reassuring him that  _ I love you, more than anything.  _

And she thinks of Nebula crying out in pain as Thanos tortured her. And she thinks of Rocket making some snarky remark before getting in the pod and she thinks of Mantis and Drax falling to the ground, and she thinks of how much she loves them and how she will never, ever see them again. She will never hear their laughs, or get to tease Rocket, or get exasperated with Drax’s impulsiveness. She will never dance with Quill to another love song or let Mantis braid her hair or do any of the tiny, wonderful things that had made her life worth living.

\----

Gamora never hits the ground. One moment the wind was whipping around her and her tears stang her eyes and her throat was aching from sobs she couldn’t even hear, and then it stopped. No more wind, no more falling. She simply floated there. And then she was enveloped in a bright, warm light and pulled upwards towards the cliff top until she could look Thanos in the eyes.

“What is this?” He said angrily. He reached out to grab her again, but was pushed back by a wave of force.

“I told you,” Gamora said, her voice a hoarse whisper “this isn’t love.” And Gamora closed her eyes as the light grew brighter around her, warm and soft and comforting. When the light faded, Gamora was gone.

\----

When Gamora opened her eyes, she was on her knees on solid ground, on a dusty brown surface. The first thing she heard was a chorus of voices calling out her name. The first thing she felt was a calloused, gentle hand on her back. The first thing she saw when she looked up was Quill, on his knees beside her. His eyes filled with tears and his face outlined with worry and relief and fear all at once. A few feet away stood Nebula, her features soft in a way that Gamora had rarely ever seen. Behind her was a stunned Mantis, and Drax, who clearly hadn’t been paying much attention to whatever had been happening before she had shown up. There were people she didn’t recognize, but she didn’t have the strength to care.

She collapsed into Quill, wrapping her arms around him, her tired body shaking with sobs. He pulled her close to him, running a hand through her hair and pressing kisses to her forehead while whispering small  _ I love you _ s to her. She could feel him shaking slightly, his breathing uneven as he tried to hold back his own tears. She pressed herself closer to him until she could feel his heartbeat. She didn’t know what had just happened, she didn’t know where they were, but it didn’t matter. She was alive, and her family was here and they loved her and that was all that mattered right now.

**Author's Note:**

> like i said the magic is bullshit. anyways thanks for indulging me this is the longest thing ive written in uh. a while. i just love her so much


End file.
